Friday, April 1, 2011


(That's my profile picture at the moment)

Because sometimes I get on a roll with posting here, and sometimes I ignore this blog in favor of Facebook (or Wastebook, as many people say), I thought I'd paste a bunch of my status updates here for all ya'll that aren't lucky enough (ha ha) to waste hours of your life reading people's random staus updates. Gathering these together like this, I see I've turned into one of those irritating people who respond to anything anyone else says with: "Well, do you know what MY kid said?" Sorry. That's just the way it is. Kids, kids, kids. OK, here you go.

-As a reply to my petulant "Ira, you PROMISED you would pick all those LEGOs up when you were done playing with them." "Well, I won't promise next time, Mommy...Anyway, I'm a BOY, so I'M the boss." No way Jose. Afraid that one doesn't fly around here.

-Eli & Ira are playing with LEGOS. Eli says, "Look Mom!" and holds up an intricate helicopter, complete with spinning propeller, landing gear, and working doors. Ira holds up a colorful clump and cheerfully says, "Mine's a porch that can't stand up!" So, I guess I've got one engineer and one Frank Lloyd Wright.

-Happiness is eating contraband Fruit Loops while you win some sweet booty shorts on Ebay. I'm living the life, folks.

-Justin laminated a fortune cookie fortune that he got years ago, and keeps it in his wallet. It reads: "You're the greatest person in the world." He whips it out whenever we argue about anything.

-Ira wandered in while I was showering and said, "Mom, if you're gonna pee in the tub, pee near the drain." (Sage advice from his father.)

-Hey, Dead River Oil Company? Your name SUCKS. Seriously. Who thunk up that one?

-The kids were fighting something fierce, and when I told them to go into different rooms, Ira shrieked at me, "We are BRUDDERS, why we have to be away from each udder?!"

-There's a dead rat somewhere in the wall. What to do? OK, it might just be a dead mouse, but it SMELLS like a fifty pound dead rat.

-The kids were so bored they ASKED for haircuts.

-Ira has been staring at my backside, through binoculars, from his playhouse window for a while. "I'm SPYIN' on you Mommy, and you are HUGE Mommy." Great.

-Why over-sharers shouldn't use facebook: My kids have the most ferocious gas today. Holy, holy.

-Town Meetin'! Wringing my hands in glee thinking about all the awesome arguments involving firetrucks and zoning I'll get to hear tomorrow. And pie, I'm thinking about pie of course.

-When Ira had the pukes the other day, I let the kids watch endless movies, something we NEVER do. So, yesterday Eli was going on and on about why the road buckles and heaves in the winter and what the road crew could do about it. Then he said, very scornfully and bitingly, "Know where I learned that? From TV. And YOU guys say TV isn't good for me." Such sarcasm at six does not bode well for sixteen.

-Freakishly ALL ALONE in my house at the moment, which means, yeah, I totally just had ice cream for dinner.

-I'm kinda embarrassed to say that I can no longer tell the difference between the high school students, and the law school's grad students walking the streets in South Royalton. They just all look equally...young.

-Is it just me, or does anyone else think that brand spankin' new socks are the best things on earth? Hey, guess what? I just ate an 85% cacao chocolate bar and I AM NEVER GOING TO SLEEP!!!! Zowie! Oh my Lord. My brain may actually be buzzing.

-Best day ever. And the smell of mud to boot!

-Whoops, just accidentally left the back door open a crack when I popped out to chase the dog, and one of the ponies got into the house...I mean, he is only 36 inches high, but still, a horse in the house is pretty weird. Ira was yelling, "Maaaaaaammmmma...Dexter trying ta take my sammich!"

-I just had to order part of our clogging costumes from an online sex fetish shop...because they had the cheapest, quality petticoats around. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

-So, if you sit still for too long while balancing your laptop on your knees, and you don't really notice that your left butt cheek (and then some) has fallen asleep, when you jump up, real quick-like, to answer the WILL most certainly fall in an undignified heap on the floor.

-Just when I was sayin', "Oh, dearie me, what EVER will I wear to the Valentine's Cabaret this weekend?", Grammy Sammy left two boxes of her 1940's-1970's hand-me-downs on my porch. Check it. Most perfect dress of all time! I love my gram. And this twirly skirt. Helloooooo panties!

-Ignored the Superbowl and went out to eat with friends. But I'm glad to see that Scott wasn't wearing that cheese head for nothing all day.

-Is it inappropriate to wear my tie die union suit with the flap seat out in public? Oh well. Eat your heart out Tunbridge. You all wish you had one of these.

-"Nation Paralyzed By Storm!" I don't know...I don't feel too paralyzed, how 'bout ya'll? Hey fellow facebonkers, look outside! Ain't it purty!?!

-Sorry peeps....I've been so busy, my facebook page is like a ghost town. But fear not. I'm sure things will slow down soon, and I will once again obnoxiously post several times a day.

-Off to sub for the Nursery class. Need to rally my energy.

-Should I buy my father-in-law a puppy while my mother-in-law is out of town? Magic 8- Ball says: "Without a doubt." Should I rely on the Magic 8-ball for decisions of this nature? Magic 8-ball: "As I see it, Yes."

-Eli complained this morning, "My school has those cheap bandaids that don't even stick to you."

-Made phenomenal gingerbread cookies and managed to stick my hand into the potted cactus on the counter. You take the good with the bad.

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