Saturday, December 31, 2011

New Year's Resolutions

I've never made any before. Maybe that sounds snotty of me, but I guess I've always figured; if you have something you want to resolve, why wait until one specific day to do it? It seems like a cop if you're saying "Oh, I'll diet NEXT month"...when you set some projected date to do something, it's almost as if you already know you ain't really gonna do it, you're stalling, putting it off, whatever. New Year's Resolutions have always struck me as fakey fake. Not meaning I'm so perfect I don't have anything to resolve, or I'm above any kind of fakeness, no sir, just that I'm already deep in the muck of LIFE'S resolutions and there I'll stay until I feel I've got it going on. No timeline set. No fateful day it all will start. Nope, it's BEEN happening, and will keep on happening 'til I get it right.

But, you know, of course I DO like the idea of a fresh start, especially lately, when I've seen how much change I need in my life, in my behavior, in my attitude. I recognize that it's a lot. It's quite daunting, but certainly not insurmountable. Fresh starts: Bring 'em on.

To eliminate negativity, would be my number one resolution, if I was to make any. Only that's been the goal all along, and will carry right over into the New Year. To not sigh and think "Geez, I'm depressed"...defining myself AS depressed instead of thinking "Well, this is a depressing SITUATION, but it's not who I AM." Generally, that's what I've tried to do, until some dark moments this year when I simply felt too low and idiotic to attempt skipping along, tossing daisies in the air and singing "Tra la la, isn't this a pickle! But I'm not depressed, oh, no, no, no!" Am I Snow White? Do I feel like whistling while I clean the dwarf's filthy pigsty of a cottage? Have I mastered this whole staying-positive-come-what-may thing yet? Not even close. But I'm getting there.

And is it going to work out for me? You bet it is. Hi ho.

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