Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Jock Block

Ever since having boys, and especially in the last few years, as I've come into my own, I've allowed myself to be into things that I once considered "not attractive" or un-feminine.  I've stopped worrying about my power of attraction being my only worth.  I'm not gauging my actions by people's reactions and opinions or following the outdated rules anymore, for fear of disapproval.  I LOVE baseball and soccer and hockey.  And fixing things and not wearing make-up/obsessing about my body.  And having mud fights at the pond, and being smart.  These things used to feel taboo.  I used to think I had to behave and look a certain part to fit in, to be loved, to be happy.  It took all this time to realize that how I view me is waaaaaaay more important than how others view me.

Doesn't mean I despise my vintage dresses, nor does it mean I'm giving up dancing, snuggling, sappy movies, or wanting to kiss kittens, but that I'm making choices based on how I feel, not by what I'm supposed to be doing.  I don't own a full length mirror, I've stopped scrutinizing my face before I leave the house and know what?  I'm prettier than I've ever been because of it.  I'm prettier for letting go.  Because I finally know I'm enough without the push-up bra or the eyeliner.

When I saw on the ultrasound that my first child was male, I had to swallow hard to keep from crying... second time around too, I was so worried I wouldn't be a great mom to boys, but turns out, I am.  Fate knew I needed them.  My boys gave me permission to be the person I really am.  Last night, the 3rd and 5th best college hockey teams in the country faced off at Norwich University.  So we went to cheer wildly for the underdog and it was awesome.  The end.      

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