Oh Captain, My Captain

Yesterday was tough. I had known the night before that Captain didn't have long...he slept with me instead of the boys, which was unusual. All curled up behind my knees...I knew he was going somehow, normally nothing can keep him away from the kids. I kept reaching down to play with his silky ears and check on him. He hadn't eaten in a couple days which also wasn't like him. He was already skin and bones due to his organs shutting down slowly this past year, but we kept hoping the pancreatic medication would start to work and he could put on some weight. This week he became completely exhausted, he wouldn't even look at meat or his favorite cheese and his fur started to fall out, I knew this couldn't go on any longer. I sat down with the boys and told them that, as they already knew, Captain was very sick, but now he was starting to suffer and I was going to bring him to the vet to help him die peacefully and stop him from hurting anymore. Ira was crying and put his fingers in his ears at first while I was talking, but Eli was very angry. He wouldn't look at me or Captain. He stormed away. Finally, he came back into my bedroom with us, silently got in bed with his dog and just wrapped his arms around him. We left them alone for a half an hour or so before I loaded Captain in the car. Cap rode to the vet's on my lap with his head resting on my shoulder. I pet him and told him he was a good boy and that we loved him while they injected him. I tried not to sob out loud until he had passed because he always got upset when people cried. He was only five and he adored us more than anything. He wanted to be with the boys every minute and was heartbroken when they weren't around. He was full of mischief- he got in more trouble than any ten dogs and he cost me a small fortune monthly, but he was our pup, our sweet, funny, little pup, and we'll never find another as loyal and gentle.  He was the type of dog they write stories about, the kind who walk miles to find their owner and beat all the odds.  One of those devoted doggies that was happiest when he was snuggling with his people.  He got my boys through some bad years and he never left their side if he could help it.  Not once in his life did he growl or snap, he was so patient no matter what any child did to him...for a while Ira had to hold his tail to get to sleep at night, as I was weaning him off holding my braid.  God, I almost feel like I love animals too much to have any, because losing them is so hard. Thanks for all the kind words sent our way, folks. Nice to know that others understand how sad it is to say goodbye to a four-legged friend.  Goodbye Captain Burdock.  We won't forget you.