I know we live in a safe place. That doesn't matter. Bad things can happen anywhere. Arriving at school a couple days ago, we found out that the mom of two schoolmates had passed away in the night. Just went to sleep with a headache and didn't wake up. I think it never occurred to my boys that a mom could die. And then today, hearing the news from Connecticut. I just feel sick. What to do? Do you shut down your whole life and life in fear? I certainly want to some days. But that's not living. Oh, oh, oh...I really have no words. I'm just confused and sad and tired and wondering why things have to be so hard and horrible. My babies are beautiful, wonderful, perfect, I love them more than life, I can't imagine what those parents must be feeling. The overwhelming nightmare of it all makes me want to lock my doors, curl up with my bubs, and never let them out of my arms as long as they live. I must have said 'I love you' to them a hundred times today. Isn't it insane that no matter how hard you love someone, you can't protect them from bad things? It's enough to drive a mother bonkers. On Monday, I'll suggest that the school be locked during the day and visitors be buzzed in, even though we have always just walked right in and called "Yohoo, Tracy! I'm looking for Amy, have you seen her?" I hate to have to feel afraid, and ask for big city type security in our tiny, little town, but how can I feel otherwise, after this? We must do SOMETHING. I can't write coherently today. This week has been misery. Wishing for a better world.
