Things That Go Bump In The Night

So...I'm starting to think that maybe ALL sounds in the night are bad. Last night the weird noises I kept hearing were our pipes bursting. It's negative 20 in the sun right now and I can see my breath in the house. It took Justin forever to get a car started to go to the hardware store. So far we've found twelve exploded spots...and still looking. Does the fun ever start?!

This Week

Things are going fine around here at the moment. Busy. We have heard nothing back from Justin's MRI, just a letter with a follow-up appointment in a month. Seems like there is no obvious cause that they can see. They'd like for him to be taking the medication, but he truly thinks he can just eat better, and rest more and be OK. He's been driving again for a week or so now. I'm still a bit of a wreck because I feel like I need to take on more responsibility to help him...so I'm the one dealing with the kids alone at night, trying to figure out balanced meals and all the household stuff, that we usually share, by myself and keeping him from getting over-stressed about anything. And I can't stop waking up, hour on the hour to check on him. I don't know how long it will take until I stop doing that. Hello Post Tramatic Stress Disorder! Anyway, super glad all the holiday hussle is through. It's normally my favorite time ever, just not this year. We've spent far too much time lately dreaming we were at the beach cabin. That truly feels like the only place in the world where we could actually rest and let go of all stress. Every time we are in the car for more than a few minutes, one of us will sigh and say "Don't you wish we were on our way to The Island?" But of course, it is cold and snowy there as well as here, it's just wishful-summertime-thinking! I can't believe we haven't gone skiing once yet this year. And all those wonderful winter activities that I love! It's crazy! The Kid wants so badly to try his snowboard that was too big for him last year. And Justin is itching to carve. I suppose both Justin and I should take it easy this season, what with his seizures and my back...uggg! Good grief! How do people live to be 100?!?! I feel like our bodies started to crumble to the dust the minute we hit 30! I know it's just all the trouble getting to me, but still... We need to be careful with money right now anyway. Luckily it seems like Justin's medical bills will be taken care of, but he lost a lot of work and we haven't paid our mortgage yet this month, or E's tuition for two months... I am yet again SO SORRY for my depression oozing into these entries. I never mean for it to, I'm mostly a happy lady, you know? It just sneaks out as I write...Please don't think it's my way of getting pity or sympathy! We ARE fine, I AM fine. As long as I can write it out of my system, I can cope with anything! I just feel awful that Justin works SO hard, and still, we can't get ahead, can barely get by even. I guess that's silly to say, as we have two of the most beautiful children ever, a house, and a cabin on the ocean (which seriously though, only cost like nine thousand dollars, US, or something, at the time)...I know there are zillions of people out there FAR worse off than we are... in the big picture of the world, I suppose we are almost wealthy, but sometimes it all seems to be dangling on a very thin thread. It's hard to enjoy anything when you are afraid you could lose it at any moment. When will things even out in this world? When will it matter that you practically kill yourself to give your family more, and get nothing? I just want what Justin does for us to MATTER. And it doesn't. He works all day. Harder than he should. He does his damndest to help the planet with the little we've got. We spend money on food (organic, even though we really can't afford it right now) doctors, heat, house (and the basic amenities that go with it), cars, taxes, and school. THAT'S ALL. And we are going in the hole. I realize this is just a little snapshot of what is happening to everyone in the lower and middle class across the country, but God, it's not fair! I won't go into politics in this blog, I'm not too keen about politics anyhow, so I'll just stop now. Yes...OK, seriously, my whining is over!!!!! I'm holding out hope...there's too much beauty out there to give up. Good will simply HAVE to win in the end. All my life would require to be perfect, is not having to wonder if we can pay for heat or not. To not have to argue about pointless shit, and to know that I could continue to send my kids to the kind of school where they will be gently taught to love all people, the world, and not be stomped on by society quite yet. So...if that's all it would take for my life to be perfect, I'm doing pretty well.

New Camera Love!

Fame

http://www.vnews.com/12292008/5277722.htm

also

http://www.nashuatelegraph.com/apps/pbcs.dll/ article?AID=/20090104/BUSINESS/301049957/-1/b usiness.

and I think a couple of other papers picked it up too!

Guess What

I WIN THE BET, people! Myra and Jim DID get engaged last night! Hahahahaha! Here's where I get to say "I KNEW it! ... Told ya so!" and all those other irritating things. Congrats you guys! Hugs and best wishes!

Oh, and by the way...

Thanks to Tamera and Justin, I have a lovely little Nikon D80 in my hands here. I've never owned a decent digital until now, I have a quite a few good film cameras left over from all the portrait work, and many, many vintage and antique cameras...but I simply haven't got the time or money to deal with film/processing these days. My little point and shoot digitals have been good friends, but how I have missed using a "real camera"! This is a very welcome happiness!!!! Still need some necessary cords, and to free up some computer space, but I have been playing with it all day and the boys look ten times more angelic, and fifty times less dirty through it's magical lens. Yay! Here's a couple of shots from Tam's computer...

Winding Down The Holiday...

Howdy all. Justin headed in to work this morning, feeling pretty decent (driven by his trusty babysitter, Jared). He has an MRI on Friday. Keep your fingers crossed! His gasifier made the front page of the Valley News yesterday, which was great. We are swimming in a sea of Christmas gifts here...the kids are in heaven as I've just let the house be a toy-filled disaster for several days. Eli's favorites are his road-side emergency set from Jude, his pirate sword from Santa, pirate hat from Tam and all the diggers...oh, and the chocolate, he says. It's hard to tell with Ira, he's mostly just lovin' the boxes. We really missed seeing everybody at Gram Sheehan's, it was SO sad to stay behind, but the rest sure felt good. And it was nice to be able to hang out with Tam a little more while she was here. She left a few hours ago, and Eli is pretty down about it, even though he was all very "Bye. See you later" casual when she headed out. Anyway, I just wanted to write a quick note to let everyone know that all is well. I'll try and upload pictures onto this blog at some point soon...just head over to my flickr account if you want to see them for now! Love, Em